"But you're soooo skinny!" These words are the bane of my existence. OK, I know most of you reading this are probably ready to throw up on your shoes right now, but let's look at the facts.
1) I am 38 and my butt is no longer the 2 perky little handfuls it once was in my 20's, it's more like 2 soggy balls of pizza dough ready to be stretched flat and smothered with tomato sauce.
2) My once bountiful 34D bustline, after nursing each one of my 3 children for well over a year, has withered down to a 32C but ONLY after it is hoisted and secured into a well-structured push-up bra.
3) My stomach, once famous for it's 6 pack, is now famous because my kids can make funny faces with my belly button.
Needless to say, swimsuit shopping is the ultimate test of self-love. I repeat my mantra over and over again:
You have a beautiful, healthy body that has given you 3 beautiful healthy children.
Only once every 5th repetition does the thought of a tummy tuck and boob job enter my conciousness.
As I pull open my swimsuit drawer filled with dozens of tiny bikinis (yes, DOZENS in one drawer - that is HOW tiny they are), I feel reality hit me like a declined credit card and it says to me, "It ain't happenin', Sister."
And so begins my search for the perfect maillot - online, of course...
Mission: Find a super-hot one piece that reminds my husband why he married me - this is, of course, a joke because we all know that it was my winning personality and utter brilliance that made me irresistible to him ;)
but I digress...
Thank God for internet shopping - no harsh, glaring flourescent lights, no stripping down in an ice cold dressing room and no one to hear my wails of horror as I squeeeeeze into a polyamide corset.
All in all, I don't do too bad. I try on 8 suits and am pretty satisfied with 3 of them. No muffin top, moderate boob support, not too hootchie ( I AM a mother after all.).
Have a look at the selections and guess which ones I chose:
 |
| Thayer, available at shopbop.com |
 |
| Carmen Marc Valvo, available at Victoria's Secret |
 |
| Kenneth Cole available at Victoria's Secret |
 |
| Lenny available at saks.com |
 |
| Very Sexy available at Victoria's Secret |
 |
| Jean-Paul Gaultier available at Bergdorf Goodman |
 |
| Karla Colletto available at saks.com |
 |
| Very Sexy available at Victoria's Secret |
I liked the Nude Thayer for the clean lines, the Blk Cut-Away Victoria's Secret - no explanation necessary, and Striped Gaultier because it is so feminine.
Decisions, decisions - I really want to keep all three (as my swimsuit drawer is now looking pretty bare).
We'll see...